Why we need Ann Coulter

You’re furious about Ann Coulter’s attacks on futbol/soccer right now, aren’t you? Trust me, I am too.

I’ve never really been a soccer fan but only because I’ve never gotten into the rhythm of the game. In fairness, I’ve never really been a sports fan at all until somewhat recently. As I get older, I find myself wanting to care more about baseball, football, and soccer. And don’t take that as a slight against any other sport at all. These are just the ones that I’ve found the rhythm to, and it resonates with me. As someone who is tired of internet rage and the different ways people try to divide one another, I’m done with hating on things I don’t understand. I’d rather embrace the things that other people love even if it’s not something I’m interested in.

Which brings me to Ann Coulter.

If you’re surprised by Ann Coulter’s rage against the World Cup, then shame on you. This type of blind rage and mindless speculation is what has made her career. She is a shameless opportunist who will use whatever is in the news to push her message of hatred, bigotry, and divisiveness. She plays to an audience of rage-machines who love to hate what they don’t understand.

When I was in high school, I made fun of soccer because I didn’t understand it nor did I really want to. I was interested in the things I was interested in and that was all. My little pop culture world was all that mattered to me because I was a teen who was absorbed in what I liked. Yeah, that’s a close-minded way to live, but I was in high school and most high school students are this way.

Now that I’m older, I like to learn about things people love. I like to understand why people are excited for something and I especially love what people get nerdy about. I once had a student who wrote Law & Order fan fiction for fun. I’ve never really watched the show, but it thrilled me that someone was so passionate about something that they wrote fanfiction for it.

I’m getting off track. Or, rather, I start on the track and then go somewhere else. Forgive me.

We need Ann Coulter because the world needs villains to unite everyone.

The World Cup has the entire world watching to see which country will be victorious in a sport. Yes, there are still terrible things going on in the world, but we can forget about these things and be united in cheering for our respective countries and in cheering for other countries as well. It’s drama on the highest stage of them all and even though I’ve never really been a fan, even I can get swept up in it all. The beautiful, measured rhythm of the game. The energy at every new development. The excitement of just one goal. It really is something to behold.

And then Queen Skeletor comes along and has to write an exceptionally ignorant, bigoted, sexist, absurd message and dump on everyone’s fun. Instead of trying to understand why people would be excited, she chooses the path of ignorance like she has time and time and time again. She tries to make the World Cup into a political message about how cheering for the USA in the World Cup somehow makes one less American.

More than anything, Ann Coulter is what we need right now.

Because without Ann Coulter, people could get angry because Germany beat America today. Instead, they are mad at Ann Coulter for being a bigot. She unites even as she tries to divide.

The best comparison I can think of is to the giant squid at the end of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ Watchmen.

SPOILERS

In that book, the villain Ozymandius creates a giant psychic squid that kills half of New York in order to unite the world by making everyone believe aliens are attacking Earth. By creating a threat outside of the Earth, Ozy creates world peace at the cost of millions of lives.

By writing something so heinous and idiotic, Ann Coulter has given us a common enemy and has united the world.

What amazes me is that people still read and listen to her. The fact that people can muster any anger towards her astounds me. She is a terrible human being and has been so for years now, why does her hatred toward the World Cup surprise anyone? It’s in her nature to be a bigot and disagreeable. Would you get mad at your cat for killing a bird? Well, maybe if your cat left it on your doorstep, but you know that your cat is just doing what cats do just as Ann Coulter is doing what Ann Coulter does – showing what it means to be the worst humanity has to offer.

I didn’t want to write this post at first because there is an inherent contradiction when talking about Ann Coulter (or Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin or Kim Kardashian or any person who is famous for being famous). We want these people to go away because they are divisive figures who say idiotic things. We have the power to make them go away if we just ignore them, but for some reason, we can’t ignore them. So, people like me write about people like them, and people like you will read it and either agree, share, comment or disagree and argue.

And while this is a frustrating cycle, I think it leads to larger conversations that allow us to understand one another better. They allow us to care about one another more. They allow us to see the perspectives of other people because some bigoted moron said something stupid.

Ann Coulter writes from a place of hatred, but it leads us to a better world of understanding.

And that’s why we need her.